10 First Dates 2!

Date #5: He was my sister's account officer in one of the new generation banks, he was nice, polite and even a christian!(what more could a girl ask for, right?) After several calls, he invited me to church one Sunday  "to visit your future assembly" he said with a laugh, I laughed right along. So I had to tell my pastor, cos as a worker in my local church, he needed to excuse me. Before I left his office he prayed with me and said, "father open her eyes to see him the right way, let him display his true character to her" Shoo! which kind prayer be dat? the guy na christian nah! I said a reluctant amen and went on my merry way. Sunday dawned bright and clear, I took a taxi to Festac where the church was located and he met me at the door of the church, ever so courteous, he ushered me to my sit which was quite close to Faze, the famous singer! I tried not to trip so I don't rain on his parade. The service was awesome! And after service we went to one of the eateries for lunch (chips and chicken with a bottle of soft drink). Since he lived close by, he decided to show me his place. we walked over to the massive block of cramped flats. As usual, there was no electricity. The place was small and stuffy, so I took off my jacket (I was wearing this really nice off shoulder dry lace dress) the next thing I knew bros was trying to cop a feel!He probably saw my taking off my jacket as an invitation, I tried talking, e no work o! it was as if i was wrestling with an octopus, shoo! which kind wahala be this nah? So I did the only thing I knew how to do, I called big brother Jesus! I cant remember the words but just as I was done, NEPA brought back the light(Up NEPA and thank you Jesus!!) He got up to put on the AC and i jumped up and ran for the door, "what is it?" he asked puzzled, "I'm going home!" I announced as I headed for the stairs, he ran after me and hailed a cab asking if everything was okay, I no fit even talk! He paid the cab fare and that was that!Moooving on joor!!
Date #6: This happened a long time ago, I was still in my early twenties...
We(my nephews, niece and I) were sitting outside my sister's house, there was no electricity so we were shooting breeze when we saw this really clean Mercedes V-Boot approaching (since it was still in vogue then we were all admiring it) all of a sudden the car sputtered and died in front of us! the driver(seems he was also the owner) jumped down and looked around, he was wearing a turtle neck skin tight black Tee, his muscle bulged as he slammed the door angrily. He wiped his large forehead with a white handkerchief and stared at us. I turned to my nephews playing the good Samaritan and asked them to help him push his car. they grudgingly obliged. eventually I joined and we pushed till the car started, he was so grateful, "wow! I've never met any one like you, so down to earth!" he exclaimed, I gave him a toothy smile, "if you're not busy tomorrow can I check on you?" he asked after he had inquired whether I stayed around and I said yes. "okay" I replied with a shrug. The next afternoon, I saw his car pull up as I was waving to my neighbor's son. The next thing I knew, bros jump down from his car and slapped me! I tell you for like five seconds everything went black, then I saw tiny lights like stars before my vision cleared, "so this is how you will cheat on me?eh?" bros raged, "greeting every Tom, Dick and Harry in the neighborhood when I was slaving away buying you this expensive perfume?" He said thrusting a badly wrapped gift under my nose, I grabbed the gift and ran into my house shutting the door. When I told my sister what transpired, she went out and gave him a piece of her mind. So I got a designer perfume for a slap, na wa o!Try dat kind thing now eh, infact...
Date #7: This one I met at a shopping mall, in the bread aisle, when he said Hello, I had to look around to make sure there wasn't a baby around because his voice was so tiny! eyya, his voice never broke! I thought sympathetically as I shook his hand.(no be him fault joor!) We exchanged numbers and three weeks later we agreed to meet for lunch one Saturday. It was a posh restaurant in Victoria Island. We shared a taxi on our way back because we lived in the same axis. As usual traffic was heavy so we decided to stop somewhere for drinks.
And drink he did! The green bottles in front of him kept multiplying as I sucked down the malt I opted for. And as they increased bros got frisky, no be small thing o! the drunker he got(abeg forgive the grammer o) the more profanities he used and the more he blasphemed! All his jokes were focused on the Holy spirit! Shoo! As I finished my second bottle of Malt I told him I needed to go home, I no fit hear those things again o, God no go hear say na joke! We shared another taxi and parted ways in front of my estate gate, the next day he couldn't even remember any of it! We remained friends, because I'm still trying to get him to stop drinking so much, abi, wetin person for do?
Date # 8: This one wasn't even a date, but he was someone I fancied when I was still in the university...
We met at a church revival, he was one of those stylish spirito brothers,(you know a smooth blend of spiritualism and fine physical packaging!) So again, we exchanged numbers and kept in touch, one day he called and invited me to his church so I went. After church he bought doughnuts and soft drinks and we just sat down talking about the youths, God and Nigeria, it was quite an interesting afternoon.
By the time I got home, I was smiling and thinking of whether we will make a good couple or not. The first flash came that evening. My phone rang for the briefest moment and stopped. I checked the caller ID and it was my Stylish Spirito! I eyed the phone suspiciously refusing to believe he was flashing me, but it persisted so I called back.
"Em, hi!" he said, "please can you send me #1,000 recharge card? I really need to make an important call" For a moment I couldn't reply, "okay I will" I said as my brains tried to process it, was this a one-off thing? I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and sent the recharge to him, two days later, stylish spirito wanted to know if I was home, he was hungry and wanted some food(fried rice and chicken!) I hastily cooked the food and even borrowed money to buy a pack of juice.
He came, quaffed the food and drank all the juice and promptly left! By the same weekend he showed up again just when my younger sister and I were about to eat dinner(okra soup and fufu) We politely invited him and he joined us. We never take two swallows of food, stylish spirito don finish the fish and meat for our soup! Na so we come swallow fufu without obstacles for the soup, while he was busy picking his teeth. As he rose to go, he turned to me and said, "can I get T-fare from you?" That was it for me, I gave him #200 to take him home and away from my life, shikena!I be like ATM machine?
Date #9: This also happened when I was still in school...
One of my course mate's friends and I shared similar interest (Indian movies, books,chocolates...) Its only natural to plan to visit her in Lagos during the holidays. She mentioned that her elder brother just returned from Italy, he was a shoe trader in Onitsha. I greeted the swarthy looking man that walked in when we were having chocolates and tea respectfully. He tried to make polite conversation but I could tell he struggled with English. He also substituted his 'Rs' for 'Ls' and vice versa. I answered respectfully trying not to laugh. When I got home that night, my friend called, "my brother likes you o! he wants to see you tomorrow at ***(an eatery close to their house)" She came over the next day and we went to the venue together, when her brother showed up she excused us. We ordered snacks and ate, while he tried to carry a conversation in English, I finally pitied him and replied in Igbo, he was ecstatic! We conversed fluently in Igbo,  then he told me the reason he wanted to see me was to tell me that he wanted me to bear him a son.
He's been married for eight years, he said, but his wife, who lives in the UK was without an issue. I told him it went against my belief and he told me I will be handsomely rewarded, what if I bear a daughter? I asked, He shrugged his shoulders, "then I will give you half the money!" he replied, "but I will still make you my wife and you will live with me in Onitsha" I imagined myself a member of the OMATA traders' wives association, see levels,abi? "sir, you're married already, and I have no interest in being a second wife, thank you for your generous offer"
Guess who's not my friend anymore?Yup, his sister!And finally..
Date #10: We were in school together, always liked each other but didn't really do anything about it because we were both too young, so twelve years later when we met at a reunion we were both eager to see each other. He looked great and complimented me for getting more beautiful over the years. We went out once, to a high brow restaurant in Victoria Island, then he asked me to be his baby mama! Just like that,
"I see you have good moral upbringing and since I'm not planning to get married, we can just have kids together" he said in a cultured tone. That wasn't all o!
It came with conditions, to attain the enviable status of his baby mama, I was never to reveal who the father of my children is, the children themselves cannot know that he's their father.
I was to introduce him to them only as "Mummy's special friend" the moment anyone finds out that he fathered the children, he will cut all ties with me and stop supporting his children. Of course I thanked him and said, "No Deal!"
So I hope you've enjoyed yourself at my expense, I'm sure you know its your turn to tell stories of your one-time-only dates.
So, let's dish!